


Auguries of Passion

by Skysquid22



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Pining, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skysquid22/pseuds/Skysquid22
Summary: In the bottom of Rafael Barba's drawer in his office is a secret, many secrets actually.~I’ve been cut by double speakI’ve been choked by red tapeI’ve been hurt by my new reputationStill, I want you~





	Auguries of Passion

**Author's Note:**

> Little to no editing on this so each mistake is my fault. I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> The title is a reference to Auguries of Innocence by William Blake. One of my favorite poems. http://www.online-literature.com/blake/612/

“Look.” Barba’s voice was a soft rumble in his ear. “The documents should be in the top drawer on the right. If not try the drawer right beneath it. Don’t go looking for something else.” He warned, slightly teasing.

“Right, okay, will do.” 

Carisi waved at Carmen as he opened the doors to Barba’s office, hanging up on the ADA. Once again Rafael needed papers and of course Sonny was the fetch guy to do all of his chores for him, he should really stop with that habit of agreeing. 

But what could he say, he loved doing it. Carisi never really got to talk with Barba nowadays, outside of an argument or two he felt like they never spoke a word to each other. He wasn’t sure what happened, they used to be able to talk easily but now it seems there was a divide. So if Sonny had to do some simple chores for him in order to talk to him at least a little bit then fine. 

Rounding the dark desk he opened up the first draw on the right. He was a little too overzealous and the drawer slammed against metal bars built into it. Quietly apologizing to the open air he dug through stacks of papers, pens and… sticky notes and torn up pieces of paper with shaky writing on them. 

The little notes caught his eyes and even though Barba did say not to look elsewhere it certainly couldn’t hurt to look at his commentary of his documents. He did it before when he was shadowing and it was one of the best parts working with the man. Standing witness to the workings of his mind was fascinating to Sonny. 

He picked up an yellowed post-it note, most likely that color from age.

\--  
Something odd   
Not just the office  
Not just the people  
Something with the belt  
\--

Sonny squinted. Was this about the Adam Cain case? He heard about it and read more soon as he found out that he was working with the man who was choked by a rapist in front of a jury. That was years ago, had he kept a little poem about it all these years? Maybe even implying he gained a belt kink out of the interaction?

The next note was half finished, he had to reread it in order to figure out what he was trying to say.

\--  
2 cups is not enough  
How did I last this long  
I need to work  
Maybe I should  
\--

And it cuts off.

Truly he was intrigued. He picked up a torn piece of paper, the blue ink was runny and slightly wrinkled from drops of water. 

\--  
I want to see her again  
Why why why fuck why  
I didn’t listen  
I’m a horrible grandson  
\--

Not sure what to make of that one other than it involved his grandmother, he picked up another two and read them. These two were different, both of them seemed to work together which explains why they were papercliped.

\--  
You’ve disproven every doubt of mine  
I’m glad I gave the time  
But  
I’ve run out of it  
\--  
You are the light at the end of the tunnel,   
The sunshine in the day  
If only I had courage  
Then I can have it too  
\--

Was there someone in Barba’s life? The man was very closed off, so Sonny wouldn’t put it past him to not tell anyone. He clearly wrote these two with affection, if the nice cursive told him anything. The next note smelled of scotch, a favorite brand of Barba’s he recognized.

\--  
That blue eyed fool  
He’s going to be the death of you  
Drowning at sea  
With nobody to blame but yourself  
\--

A _he._ With blue eyes. Carisi dug deeper in the drawer, not even bothering to find the original documents, he could apologize later these were interesting as hell. 

\--  
I’ve been cut by double speak  
I’ve been choked by red tape  
I’ve been hurt by my new reputation   
Still, I want you  
\--

Carisi knew of what this new reputation entailed. There was an incident recently where Rafael spoke in front of a jury member in the elevator. Rumor has it that Judge Barth chewed him out for 2 hours. At least that’s just a rumor.

But, despite all this negativity surrounding the man, Barba still wants a man and doesn’t care for all the bad press he’ll get. So someone he works with and has blue eyes, perhaps a lawyer? 

The plot thickens.

\--  
You set up my safety   
Put me before others  
We both passed death with a glance  
I’m not worried, are you?  
\--

This… had to be about him, no doubt. It was during the time when Barba was getting death threats, it seems that Rafael knew that Carisi almost went to Munson’s house instead of Dodds. He also knew that Sonny had made sure he was safe and covered, protected even when no one else cared at the time. 

Sonny still could hear the softness in Rafael’s voice at that bar. 

\--  
I screwed up  
Thrown away my job  
They’re going to put me down like a dog  
 _Still want to be an ADA?_  
\--

For sure this one was about the recent incident. And him. This job was no walk in the park and it seems that Barba may wanted him to be wary and stray away from this mess. 

\--  
It’s days like these  
When I feel so alone  
I’ve daydreamed your kiss  
And what it’s like to be with you  
\--

Another one about his lust for some lover. He should really stop, Carisi sets back all the notes and tries again to look for the papers he needs. Trying not to think of how wrong he was to do that to the man he’s admired so much.

Fortunately for him he finds them all in a neat stack in the middle of the pile. As he takes them out another note falls through, he reads it despite the voice in his brain telling to quit the habit. 

\--  
Sonny  
I wonder  
What it’s like  
To hear you moan  
\--

_That_ was personal.

He shoves it in his pocket and wonders what to do with that information. It’s gotta be some kind of fluke, right? Though he is blue eyed, works with him, and is a male. That ‘sunshine in my day’ line makes a lot more sense. 

He’s gotta have more evidence for this. He goes back through the drawers once again finding another note.

\--  
Rita teased me the other day  
“Why don’t you confess?”  
Why do I want him to know   
That I call him ‘Sonshine’ in my head?  
\--

Deliberate misspelling maybe? Sonny searched for a few more, hoping to dispel the notion that Rafael Barba has a crush on him.

\--  
I really hope you don’t find these notes  
Until we’re together  
If we’ll ever be together  
One can dream can’t he?  
\--  
Brown hair   
Blue eyes  
You smile like the sun  
That’s where you got your name, isn’t it?  
\--  
I can see you slipping  
I’m terrified to ask  
Liv has told me a lot  
I need to know if you’re okay  
\--

None of these were helping. He couldn’t live in denial for long, Carisi took a handful of the notes and the papers and strode out, nearly forgetting to say goodbye to Carmen.   
His phone buzzed as he called a cab, it was from Rafael. _Where are you?_

_On my way._ He replied back. He sat in the taxi he bounced his leg in anticipation and nervousness. What was he supposed to tell him? That he rifled through his desk and did exactly what he said not to do? Sonny looked over the notes once more. Each one had a certain charm and personality to it. 

A coffee stain here or there, wrinkled edges, sloppy handwriting or ones perfected with care. 

The ones featuring him had not been wrinkled and the handwriting was pretty most of the time, Sonny rubbed at the soft edges and thought hard about what to do.

\---  
You take forever you know  
But, like a sweet dessert  
You’re well worth the wait  
And that I would love to taste you  
\--

Rafael scribbled out that last line furiously, here in the precinct was not the time. It would be particularly awful if someone looked over his shoulder now, but he still liked what he wrote. So before the entire message was covered in ink he tore off the corner of the paper and stuffed it into his pocket. 

Where the hell was Carisi? 

From behind him he could hear the wide footsteps the man in question was making, most of the time he walked like a model--and hey that’s a good topic for a poem.

“Sorry I’m late got held up in traffic.” Sonny mumbled keeping his head low, only sparing a quick glance to Liv’s door and a few to Barba.

Rafael didn’t say anything about his antsy behavior, he’s been acting odd for awhile, not like it’s out of the ordinary. So moving on he grabbed the documents and went straight back to his point.

They worked at that table until they both had to go home and get some rest, in reality it wasn’t too long. They started late. “We’ll pick this back up later.” Barba sighed, his mind elsewhere thinking about what to do for the weekend now. Perhaps get that model idea down, work on the Briggs case, then maybe he could---

“Hey, uhm. Rafael, Barba, you got a minute?”

His tired eyes snapped up to look at him, signaling for him to go on and ask.

“In private?”

Behind him Amanda’s steady note taking paused for a slight moment, before continuing. “Yeah, sure.”

Carisi led him out near the hallway by the elevator, it wasn’t the most private of places but considering it was late they made an exception. He looked just about everywhere but Rafael’s eyes, Sonny scratched at the back of his neck and started, “Okay I don’t know how to say this, uhm. Well.---”

“Spit it out Carisi.” Barba exhaled, already reaching for his phone.

“I found the poems.”

His hand stilled, now it was Rafael who couldn’t look him in the eye. God, he wrote way too much stuff about Carisi on those and, wait, how did he find them? He was pretty sure he put them at the bottom--

Damn it.

He took a deep breath and licked his lips, “Look. About what I said in those notes, uhm.” Drawing a hand to the bridge of his nose he hoped to ease out an explanation, but none came. How exactly do you explain to your co-worker that you have a hapless crush on him? A man, who appears by all of the presented evidence straight, who’s too out of his league to put it lightly. 

“Look Barbs,” _It’s Barbs now?_ “I know how you feel about me. I think those notes proved that, but I don’t think you should be embarrassed or something. So I’ll do ya the trouble. Wanna go out on a date?”

Slowly glancing up Rafael took a good look at him. Pink, flushed cheeks, a small _‘ah shucks’_ kind of smile, blue eyes glittering in the fluorescent lighting. 

Barba smirked and threw caution to the wind. Now was his chance. “I’d love to.”


End file.
